From August 31, 2018
This week was one of the toughest weeks I've had since the last week of March. The second book will be about this year. I can't see my sales, there is an error with the report. In the back of my mind, I am thinking my unemployment runs out soon, no one will hire me, and I am showing $152 in royalties. The royalties won't come to me until 60 days, and the book is not selling. I did the math in my head of the people who supported me and sent me pictures of the book, and it didn't add up. This week was full of anger, frustration, and depression. I believe in the book. Why was I feeling like a failure? I do not know what is going on with KDP, but I have 3 different views of the book. One is that it sucks, the second is that it's doing okay, and the third is that it rocks.
I then saw it was being sold for more than the price I wanted to charge. I went into a KDP Community which sounds like unity and harmony. I asked a question about sales. A gentleman told me that "my book isn't selling anyways." I am destroying his mediocre, myopic mind in ranking. Feeling anger, I held back unleashing on him because he will get what he wants: attention. That's why he comments on every post. He doesn't build anyone up, he buries any form of self-belief they may have. I decided that the wild west isn't for me and walked away.
I then thought that I did everything I could in six months to make myself employable. What more can I do? For the first time in my life, I felt as if I was enough, yet not enough for a company. I could have laid in bed all week and cried. I decided to help people instead of moping. I decided to do an AMA, not to promote the book or myself, but to feel like I have a purpose. Why was I put on this planet, there has to be a purpose? I turned it into positive by helping others as I thought, maybe I need help? I don't.
This warrior never stops working. I may have lost everything, but I found myself. To those that walked away, I think it is a shame because they would not be able to survive this alone. I can solidly say if they even try to speak to me,