A Blog Post to Coincide With Tonight's AMA
So, I am guilty of being pessimistic in the past. We are talking 25 years of it. I wondered why I would not be successful in relationships and friendships. I knew I was kind of miserable to be around. Instead of finding fault with myself, it was always another person's fault. It was never me. I then met someone who called me out on it. This person pointed out that I was miserable and complained all the time.
Despite reading self-help books through the years, writing, and having a career; I seemed to only get more miserable. I felt that nothing I did was ever recognized or rewarded although I tried so hard to make everyone happy. I then lost my job, which was my identity. Then I lost most of my friends, which were from work. My free time was either talking to someone about work or going out with people from work, and then I was all alone.
I felt as if I lost my identity. I went through a wide range of emotions and I was happy one night. I then decided to go to a networking event because I just lost mostly everyone. I had my writing, but the one person who saw it, was very critical of it, and made me lose the little bit of confidence I had left. The networking event did not go as I hoped, so I came home very deflated.
I had what I thought 10% left of the life I had. 10% is a discount on a coupon that serves no purpose I thought. I then decided what is the point. I may as well lose myself completely. I couldn't find a job despite applying endlessly and working so hard on finding one. I was completely alone. I was embarrassed. I felt like a failure. Then I had some nasty words splashed in my face by a friend which added insult to injury.
I then lost that friend. Just walked away with no notice, no explanation, and no response. I then made a decision saying, "Screw this. I am the only one who will fight the fight for me. I don't need anyone else. I want to change and I do not want to change for anyone, but myself. I was ready to work on myself, to fight for myself, and finally decide who I want to be."
It took time. I took a lot of free online courses that taught basic skills like how to be positive, mindfulness, influencing others, communication foundations, and reinventing yourself. Yes, I had to take these. I thought I knew what I was doing in life, I thought I was navigating just fine, but I wasn't happy. Something had to give. I had to give time to myself to force myself out of my former mindset.
I worked on myself 24/7. That includes getting the proper amount of sleep. I stepped outside of myself and asked myself, who am I? What do I want to do? Can I be happy for the rest of my life? Being the previous pessimist, I had of list of so many things that I did not want to do for a career. Just because I was a manager at a company did not mean I had to be a manager at another company.
I delved in deep and realized I am a leader, but want to now transform into a thought leader where I want to have a global impact. I can get to inspire more people, than a small team within a company. I love to help people. I am actually a nurturing person. I am a writer, even though, only one person knew. I love music. I am a great cook. I am creative, vibrant, transparent, smart, funny, and now was going to be happy.
So I self-reflected, then I became self-aware, and then I got to work. I started writing a little bit and putting a little bit out there. I applied for jobs still. I had a horrible interview and on my way home, I thought, stifling corporations do not align with my values so I am going to be what I am, a writer. I quietly changed my LinkedIn profile to shed my former self because I saw that I do not identify with a company and will use it as experience, but it does not define me, and should not be my LinkedIn headline.
I started branding myself, formulating a mission statement, and thought of myself as an enterprise. One night, after another one of my friends decided that her job was more important than me, I made a decision. I felt no anger because now I gauge my reactions. I wanted to take the disappointment I felt and do something empowering and epic. I then made this website.
I think I made it on 5/15/18 and in such a short amount of time, I got here, just by making a promise to myself on 5/1/18 that I was going to my proudest project. I have accomplished more and have had more impact since May 1, than I had in my whole career. The World Wide Web is honestly the world at your fingertips and it totally gives you access to make an impact and inspire others.
Staying positive requires knowing you have to change and then wanting to actually do the work to change. Reading one book does not do it. It is a lot of mental training. I am not an athlete, but the way you see them train to get ready for competitions is what I did with my brain. It requires practice, work, follow-up, and daily focus. You have to condition your mind to be kind, to not judge, and to make decisions that are best for you, not for anyone else. You were given a birth right, so be yourself. There should be no shame in anything. That is the toughest thing I had to prove to myself and by learning that, I can now speak openly because I am strong!
Disappointments still happen, but I just react to them differently now. You can either have it destroy you or develop you. I use it to develop me for the event I have been training for, and am ready to partake in, and that everyone, is a life of happiness! I now get to share and inspire! That is the ultimate reward in life, that is why we exist. Also paying it forward does not cost anything and is really simple to do!